Someone who lacks respect often has a lack of control. You see kids all the time, so aggressive and ready to pop off in the classroom. They're ready to challenge anything the teacher says. The other kids in the class laugh at these kids, but no one usually admires them. Soon enough, one kid's blatant lack of respect gives permission for others to do the same until the class falls into anarchy.
I'm not a fan of anarchy. I believe in respect for authority out of principle and faith. What these temperamental kids with disrespectful attitudes don't understand is that respect is not conditional.
Usually they'll say, "A teacher has to earn my respect. You have to give it to get it." So now respect depends on the worth of the teacher.
"The lesson was STUpid!"
"I was just really ticked off that day. I was not havin' it."
So now respect depends on whether the kid was in a good mood that day.
A thoughtful student might not show respect for a teacher he/she thinks fails to challenge them. A child with unstable or missing parents might disrespect anyone that makes any sort of pretense of having authority. They seem bent on proving that no one can tell them what to do.
I don't think kids want freedom as much as they'd like. Imagine if all of a sudden your parents no longer cared if you stayed out late, picked a lousy boyfriend or girlfriend, or threw away any plans of what to do after highschool. Wonderful? No.
Freedom like that brings despair and chaos because no one in your life cares enough to get angry with you for destroying yourself. Authority brings the assurance that you matter. Your decisions matter. Your choices matter. Total freedom means total meaninglessness.
Although I didn't always feel like this, I now believe that people in authority should be shown a measure of respect whether they are competent, capable, easy to like, or not. Why? Simply because they're in that position.
Anyone that accepts a leadership position also accepts responsiblity for the people they lead. If a class fails to learn, the teacher is the one under scrutiny. And so a teacher has a right to expect respect from students from day one. Leadership isn't about lording power over people. You're in the position to serve the people who are under you, so to speak.
Respect can't be demanded. But it should be expected.
Edited 7:12 05/15/11
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
May 11th, 2011 (Week 3)
Memphis was back today. Walking through the doors, again I prayed for the empathy to understand what Memphis was going through.
Co-Pilot, way ahead of the Boy Band, tagged Miss Q first today. Zefron and Robbie came after.
Memphis was playing soccer. He seemed taller, so Miss Q told him so when I walked up to him.
Memphis, you seem like you've grown at least 5 inches. I met your brother the other day... No I did know him already, but I saw him. Were facebook friends now. Yeah I have a facebook... What's my facebook name? Wait, what are ya'll doin on facebook?
Nala giggled sheepishly. I knew she had one. Nala and Memphis tease but identify with each other on some level. Both, I think feel misplaced because of their backgrounds.
Miss Q asked him if he would sit with her at lunch.
"Yep. It's cause' I got in trouble with the police and suspended and all that." he said openly, while Nala listened. When Nala asked questions, Miss Q found herself quoting Lady Finch.
"Your story is not his story."
"My story is my story." Memphis finished.
At lunch Miss Q was pleasantly surprised how much The Girls wanted her to sit with them at lunch. Especially SkinnyJeanz. So apparently she did appreciate the advice I'd offered the other day.
But Miss Q passed everyone up and motioned for Memphis to come over and sit at a different table. Miss Q started off.
"From what I hear from you, you have a rough home life."
"Yeah. I played outside the whole time, though."
From there, I did my best to explain all the things I'd been thinking about since his suspension. The words were a trifle stilted at first, not like when I'd first gotten hit that first burst of compassion and inspiration, but they flowed easily after a while.
"Anger is what I see from you sometimes. A lot of times, boys without fathers feel anger. It comes out in aggression, fighting, starting gangs. Because a gang is a means of security. It comes out against your teachers and classmates and against authority."
"Sometimes.." he admitted.
"There are two choices you can make. Say for example, if not having a father really bothers you. You can turn to anger and gangs and violence. Or you can grow up and turn into the father you've never had. "
I told him about how society needed people like him. How many people he could reach out to that I couldn't. How I believed in him and how I didn't want him to waste his life, quite frankly. He could be for some other little kid what his older brother is for him.
"A lot of boys look up to me." he said. He jerked his thumb to the left, telling me how this friend of his looked to him for everything. I mentioned the other kid who got in trouble. Arbear's kid.
"I hear he's a nice kid."
"No." he shook his head. Interesting.
I told him I would watch him to see if he was taking his anger out at school. He nodded, suddenly serious and understanding.
After we talked I dismissed him and went to sit next to Skinny Jeanz. Mistake. The turtles were quick to point out the no-changing-seats-rule. Because they really stick by that one... But to my surprise, Memphis came to sit next to me.
He was still mischeivous. He broke a spork and twisted it. It was a silly little thing, but Memphis' grin managed to make it look weaponish. Together we talked about his favorite topic, Tennessee(older brother). Miss Q even told him who he thought Tennessee had a crush on. "Don't ask me how I know that." "I wanna know."
We both knew. We bantered back and forth some more. and then I learned that he and Tennessee were both rappers with some studio work in the making. Miss Q likes rap music.
"What do ya'll rap about?"
"Our life."
He was still misceivous. But from that minute, he looked at me differently. He shared with me an slightly innapropiate joke that I knew he had gotten from Tennessee. It was one of those "ur gay" jokes and I honestly didn't get it. But I decided to skip calling him out on it because that was his way of opening up. He lacks other ways of communicating. Were working on it. Baby steps.
But from th When Miss Q asked him to get in line he did so immediately. He would carry on, but then look back at Miss Q, wondering what she thought about this and then that. Anytime I'd correct him, instead of feeling like empty words, they now carried a new sort of value to them. Evidence to prove what I'd said. I believe in you. You have a choice to make.
My hope is that he'll continue to listen to me, recieving my warnings and the things I say as evidence of my respect for him. For now, he'll continue to act and look back, figuring out if I'm for real and what I expect from him. Miss Q is not a powerful male role model. But she became something to him.
Miss R came up to Miss Q and mentioned her concern for Rickster. The one Beancurd had picked on.
"He doesn't look happy."
I appreciated it. Rickster is very quiet, relaxed, and non-assuming. Miss Q thought to look into it, but was troubled. She ws not nearly as sure what to do with Rickster as Memphis.
Even so, today seemed to be a good day for Miss Q's confidence with wayward boys. The Gage clung to distractions and asked Miss Q about her pencil. Miss Q told him outright exactly what he was doing but that reading wasn't going away. A change from last week, he got out his reading assignment. He asked for help, so I got him started. It was amazing.
Co-Pilot, way ahead of the Boy Band, tagged Miss Q first today. Zefron and Robbie came after.
Memphis was playing soccer. He seemed taller, so Miss Q told him so when I walked up to him.
Memphis, you seem like you've grown at least 5 inches. I met your brother the other day... No I did know him already, but I saw him. Were facebook friends now. Yeah I have a facebook... What's my facebook name? Wait, what are ya'll doin on facebook?
Nala giggled sheepishly. I knew she had one. Nala and Memphis tease but identify with each other on some level. Both, I think feel misplaced because of their backgrounds.
Miss Q asked him if he would sit with her at lunch.
"Yep. It's cause' I got in trouble with the police and suspended and all that." he said openly, while Nala listened. When Nala asked questions, Miss Q found herself quoting Lady Finch.
"Your story is not his story."
"My story is my story." Memphis finished.
At lunch Miss Q was pleasantly surprised how much The Girls wanted her to sit with them at lunch. Especially SkinnyJeanz. So apparently she did appreciate the advice I'd offered the other day.
But Miss Q passed everyone up and motioned for Memphis to come over and sit at a different table. Miss Q started off.
"From what I hear from you, you have a rough home life."
"Yeah. I played outside the whole time, though."
From there, I did my best to explain all the things I'd been thinking about since his suspension. The words were a trifle stilted at first, not like when I'd first gotten hit that first burst of compassion and inspiration, but they flowed easily after a while.
"Anger is what I see from you sometimes. A lot of times, boys without fathers feel anger. It comes out in aggression, fighting, starting gangs. Because a gang is a means of security. It comes out against your teachers and classmates and against authority."
"Sometimes.." he admitted.
"There are two choices you can make. Say for example, if not having a father really bothers you. You can turn to anger and gangs and violence. Or you can grow up and turn into the father you've never had. "
I told him about how society needed people like him. How many people he could reach out to that I couldn't. How I believed in him and how I didn't want him to waste his life, quite frankly. He could be for some other little kid what his older brother is for him.
"A lot of boys look up to me." he said. He jerked his thumb to the left, telling me how this friend of his looked to him for everything. I mentioned the other kid who got in trouble. Arbear's kid.
"I hear he's a nice kid."
"No." he shook his head. Interesting.
I told him I would watch him to see if he was taking his anger out at school. He nodded, suddenly serious and understanding.
After we talked I dismissed him and went to sit next to Skinny Jeanz. Mistake. The turtles were quick to point out the no-changing-seats-rule. Because they really stick by that one... But to my surprise, Memphis came to sit next to me.
He was still mischeivous. He broke a spork and twisted it. It was a silly little thing, but Memphis' grin managed to make it look weaponish. Together we talked about his favorite topic, Tennessee(older brother). Miss Q even told him who he thought Tennessee had a crush on. "Don't ask me how I know that." "I wanna know."
We both knew. We bantered back and forth some more. and then I learned that he and Tennessee were both rappers with some studio work in the making. Miss Q likes rap music.
"What do ya'll rap about?"
"Our life."
He was still misceivous. But from that minute, he looked at me differently. He shared with me an slightly innapropiate joke that I knew he had gotten from Tennessee. It was one of those "ur gay" jokes and I honestly didn't get it. But I decided to skip calling him out on it because that was his way of opening up. He lacks other ways of communicating. Were working on it. Baby steps.
But from th When Miss Q asked him to get in line he did so immediately. He would carry on, but then look back at Miss Q, wondering what she thought about this and then that. Anytime I'd correct him, instead of feeling like empty words, they now carried a new sort of value to them. Evidence to prove what I'd said. I believe in you. You have a choice to make.
My hope is that he'll continue to listen to me, recieving my warnings and the things I say as evidence of my respect for him. For now, he'll continue to act and look back, figuring out if I'm for real and what I expect from him. Miss Q is not a powerful male role model. But she became something to him.
Miss R came up to Miss Q and mentioned her concern for Rickster. The one Beancurd had picked on.
"He doesn't look happy."
I appreciated it. Rickster is very quiet, relaxed, and non-assuming. Miss Q thought to look into it, but was troubled. She ws not nearly as sure what to do with Rickster as Memphis.
Even so, today seemed to be a good day for Miss Q's confidence with wayward boys. The Gage clung to distractions and asked Miss Q about her pencil. Miss Q told him outright exactly what he was doing but that reading wasn't going away. A change from last week, he got out his reading assignment. He asked for help, so I got him started. It was amazing.
May 10th, 2011 (Week 3)
Miss Q met a girl named Black Jack today. She's in the 5th grade. Not that that was her real name but I had just never met a girl named after a card game before. She smiled meekly before ducking back into her classroom.
Outside, Miss Q told Co-Pilot and the others the dilemma of choosing a different class to stay in during EOG week. Princesstard was awfully sweet.
"Promise not to like them more than us!" she said. Miss Q told them they were irreplaceable awkward turtles. After all, they were her first classroom.
At lunch, SkinnyJeanz was upset because Solomon was picking on her. On the inside, Miss Q gave a little snort. Solomon always picked on her. Did she not realize how much Solomon liked her and therefore liked picking on her? But no, today was different because her now they were embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend, Kidd Josh. Solomon supposedly has a girlfriend. It's like a big game that they play that's really confusing where they half flirt/half pick on each other.
Anyway, Miss Q dealt with it, careful not to give it more seriousness then it all deserved. Did it really matter what Solomon called her? Do she really think Solomon disliked her?
"It matters. It matters" she insisted. Beancurd with his cheesy grin and constant chatter also annoyed her, while still managing to look sort of adorable at the same time. He does this often.
Sometimes Miss Q wonders if SkinnyJeanz is not a little too preoccupied with being teased by Solomon and sometimes Zefron, and silly comments about her social life. She remains sweet, though.
When Miss Q asked Uniqua what she wanted to be when she grew up, Nala proudly named the career she'd chosen yesterday.
"I'm gonna be a neonatal nurse." Hopefully, her nervous fear of tests would be overcome.
"Who is?" said Uniqua. Miss Q pointed, smiling.
Uniqua wants to be a teacher.
Then Miss Q said nothing, 'cause why would someone want to do that?
Outside, Miss Q told Co-Pilot and the others the dilemma of choosing a different class to stay in during EOG week. Princesstard was awfully sweet.
"Promise not to like them more than us!" she said. Miss Q told them they were irreplaceable awkward turtles. After all, they were her first classroom.
At lunch, SkinnyJeanz was upset because Solomon was picking on her. On the inside, Miss Q gave a little snort. Solomon always picked on her. Did she not realize how much Solomon liked her and therefore liked picking on her? But no, today was different because her now they were embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend, Kidd Josh. Solomon supposedly has a girlfriend. It's like a big game that they play that's really confusing where they half flirt/half pick on each other.
Anyway, Miss Q dealt with it, careful not to give it more seriousness then it all deserved. Did it really matter what Solomon called her? Do she really think Solomon disliked her?
"It matters. It matters" she insisted. Beancurd with his cheesy grin and constant chatter also annoyed her, while still managing to look sort of adorable at the same time. He does this often.
Sometimes Miss Q wonders if SkinnyJeanz is not a little too preoccupied with being teased by Solomon and sometimes Zefron, and silly comments about her social life. She remains sweet, though.
When Miss Q asked Uniqua what she wanted to be when she grew up, Nala proudly named the career she'd chosen yesterday.
"I'm gonna be a neonatal nurse." Hopefully, her nervous fear of tests would be overcome.
"Who is?" said Uniqua. Miss Q pointed, smiling.
Uniqua wants to be a teacher.
Then Miss Q said nothing, 'cause why would someone want to do that?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
May 9th, 2011 (Week 3)
Today apparently the class didn't earn a single football in P.E
It was partly Miss Q's fault. During the pacer test, she had forgotten that she wasn't supposed to cheer for the kids. Miss Q probably cheered the loudest.
We played a game called Kings and Queens. You set up three 'castles' on each side made of hula hoops. The turtles were told to choose carefully the placement of the castles. Wow, giving kids a choice. How Love And Logic-y.
"Come on, Miss Bieber, we have to move it over there."
"No we don't Miss Know-it-all."
"Fate, hurry up so we can start!"
Whoever thought of giving kids choices needs to be ... gently persuaded otherwise. Still, Miss Q didn't miss the challenge and opportunity presented to the kids with that.
If Miss Q had her way, she would give a football to Zefron. In the heat of the game, he pegged Miss Q in the head with a ball. Funny. But no, at the end, he came up and apologized with a huge sheepish grin. He's such a kind boy.
Beancurd is tiny, but rather athletic. At lunch, Miss Q made Nala a fishtail and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. A baby delivery person? You mean, a neonatal doctor or a midwife?
"Haha. Nee-yoh-naterrr." said Nala, trying out the title.
After she pointed it out on another girl, I asked her what "good hair" is. Sheepish, she said she didn't know. The concept of good hair is usually a cultural thing, so I wanted to know what she thought but mostly she was repeating what she had heard before. Interesting.
According to The Brit, Fruitbat and Dexter like each other. They do get along well. Honestly, Miss Q should've seen the idea coming.
Memphis returns on Wednesday.
It was partly Miss Q's fault. During the pacer test, she had forgotten that she wasn't supposed to cheer for the kids. Miss Q probably cheered the loudest.
We played a game called Kings and Queens. You set up three 'castles' on each side made of hula hoops. The turtles were told to choose carefully the placement of the castles. Wow, giving kids a choice. How Love And Logic-y.
"Come on, Miss Bieber, we have to move it over there."
"No we don't Miss Know-it-all."
"Fate, hurry up so we can start!"
Whoever thought of giving kids choices needs to be ... gently persuaded otherwise. Still, Miss Q didn't miss the challenge and opportunity presented to the kids with that.
If Miss Q had her way, she would give a football to Zefron. In the heat of the game, he pegged Miss Q in the head with a ball. Funny. But no, at the end, he came up and apologized with a huge sheepish grin. He's such a kind boy.
Beancurd is tiny, but rather athletic. At lunch, Miss Q made Nala a fishtail and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. A baby delivery person? You mean, a neonatal doctor or a midwife?
"Haha. Nee-yoh-naterrr." said Nala, trying out the title.
After she pointed it out on another girl, I asked her what "good hair" is. Sheepish, she said she didn't know. The concept of good hair is usually a cultural thing, so I wanted to know what she thought but mostly she was repeating what she had heard before. Interesting.
According to The Brit, Fruitbat and Dexter like each other. They do get along well. Honestly, Miss Q should've seen the idea coming.
Memphis returns on Wednesday.
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