May 11th, 2011 (Week 3)

Memphis was back today. Walking through the doors, again I prayed for the empathy to understand what Memphis was going through.

Co-Pilot, way ahead of the Boy Band, tagged Miss Q first today. Zefron and Robbie came after.

Memphis was playing soccer. He seemed taller, so Miss Q told him so when I walked up to him.

Memphis, you seem like you've grown at least 5 inches. I met your brother the other day... No I did know him already, but I saw him. Were facebook friends now. Yeah I have a facebook... What's my facebook name? Wait, what are ya'll doin on facebook?

Nala giggled sheepishly. I knew she had one. Nala and Memphis tease but identify with each other on some level. Both, I think feel misplaced because of their backgrounds.

Miss Q asked him if he would sit with her at lunch.

"Yep. It's cause' I got in trouble with the police and suspended and all that." he said openly, while Nala listened. When Nala asked questions, Miss Q found herself quoting Lady Finch.

"Your story is not his story."
"My story is my story." Memphis finished.

At lunch Miss Q was pleasantly surprised how much The Girls wanted her to sit with them at lunch. Especially SkinnyJeanz. So apparently she did appreciate the advice I'd offered the other day.

But Miss Q passed everyone up and motioned for Memphis to come over and sit at a different table. Miss Q started off.

"From what I hear from you, you have a rough home life."

"Yeah. I played outside the whole time, though."

From there, I did my best to explain all the things I'd been thinking about since his suspension. The words were a trifle stilted at first, not like when I'd first gotten hit that first burst of compassion and inspiration, but they flowed easily after a while.

"Anger is what I see from you sometimes. A lot of times, boys without fathers feel anger. It comes out in aggression, fighting, starting gangs. Because a gang is a means of security. It comes out against your teachers and classmates and against authority."

"Sometimes.."  he admitted.

"There are two choices you can make. Say for example, if not having a father really bothers you. You can turn to anger and gangs and violence. Or you can grow up and turn into the father you've never had. "

I told him about how society needed people like him. How many people he could reach out to that I couldn't. How I believed in him and how I didn't want him to waste his life, quite frankly. He could be for some other little kid what his older brother is for him.

"A lot of boys look up to me." he said. He jerked his thumb to the left, telling me how this friend of his looked to him for everything. I mentioned the other kid who got in trouble. Arbear's kid.

"I hear he's a nice kid."
"No." he shook his head. Interesting.

I told him I would watch him to see if he was taking his anger out at school. He nodded, suddenly serious and understanding.

After we talked I dismissed him and went to sit next to Skinny Jeanz. Mistake. The turtles were quick to point out the no-changing-seats-rule. Because they really stick by that one... But to my surprise, Memphis came to sit next to me.

He was still mischeivous. He broke a spork and twisted it. It was a silly little thing, but Memphis' grin managed to make it look weaponish. Together we talked about his favorite topic, Tennessee(older brother). Miss Q even told him who he thought Tennessee had a crush on. "Don't ask me how I know that." "I wanna know."

We both knew. We bantered back and forth some more. and then I learned that he and Tennessee were both rappers with some studio work in the making. Miss Q likes rap music.

"What do ya'll rap about?"
"Our life."

He was still misceivous. But from that minute, he looked at me differently. He shared with me an slightly innapropiate joke that I knew he had gotten from Tennessee. It was one of those "ur gay" jokes and I honestly didn't get it. But I decided to skip calling him out on it because that was his way of opening up. He lacks other ways of communicating. Were working on it. Baby steps.

But from th When Miss Q asked him to get in line he did so immediately. He would carry on, but then look back at Miss Q, wondering what she thought about this and then that. Anytime I'd correct him, instead of feeling like empty words, they now carried a new sort of value to them. Evidence to prove what I'd said. I believe in you. You have a choice to make.

My hope is that he'll continue to listen to me, recieving my warnings and the things I say as evidence of my respect for him. For now, he'll continue to act and look back, figuring out if I'm for real and what I expect from him. Miss Q is not a powerful male role model. But she became something to him.

Miss R came up to Miss Q and mentioned her concern for Rickster. The one Beancurd had picked on.
"He doesn't look happy."

I appreciated it. Rickster is very quiet, relaxed, and non-assuming. Miss Q thought to look into it, but was troubled. She ws not nearly as sure what to do with Rickster as Memphis.

Even so, today seemed to be a good day for Miss Q's confidence with wayward boys. The Gage clung to distractions and asked Miss Q about her pencil. Miss Q told him outright exactly what he was doing but that reading wasn't going away. A change from last week, he got out his reading assignment. He asked for help, so I got him started. It was amazing.