May 24th, 2011 (Week 5)

There was a 1st grade Book Musuem in the gym that day. I remember seeing Mr. Willard hanging out in there. Which explains then why he had to have P.E outside and ended up changing into a fresh shirt for fourth period.

These details are important because I'll go back and read these and remember the framework of that day.

Dubby asked me to accompany him to get his lunchbox. I did.

I listened to Dubby talk about his knowledge of computers and his love for WoW (World of Warcraft). Even though I knew there would be some not so great side effects from all the violent video games and less-than-kid-friendly information available on the internet, I encouraged his interest in computers.

Miss Q wants to become more expert at computers because education should be up to date with technology. Nowadays kids learn by having things in their hands and pushing buttons.

Dubby told me about how he could hack into websites at school, defeat different monsters, and anything else he could think of. He's a chatty kid. But I enjoy talking to people about things that interest them.

At lunch, Miss Q was entertained by the Boy Band's hysterical discussion on family pets and Mr. Willard's hair. Co-Pilot has a hamster that will bite your face off, but he wants gerbils. Dubby never quite ran out of "one-time" accounts of his hamsters. Zefron and Boo seemed to do nothing but laugh and make clever jokes about each other. Memphis, sitting across from them at the end was almost completely silent but Miss Q was glad he enjoyed their company.

Los Intereses

Dubby is interested in video games. World of Warcraft. Miss Q listened closely as he described his favorite games. But let me back up.

Zefron still hasn't come back. Because of this, there was a unique change in the boy band. Boo (who now speaks to me easy as anything) was a bit bored.

"Can I go make fun of my cousin? She's right over there." Miss Q thought it over.
"I wonder if it's against the Elementary Handbook..."
"That's ok. I'll tease her on the bus."

Dubby took the opportunity to monopolize the conversation. He even was incredible rude to Mook (Dubby doesn't think much of him). But today Miss Q settled for just briefly pointing out his rudeness. And Dubby settled for a sheepish, "Sorry Miss Q". But not sorry about his treatment of Mook and Co-Pilot. Co-Pilot and Dubby are buddies, so now I feel like calling people morons and stuff has become something normal. He almost doesn't think about it.

The reason Miss Q didn't focus on this was because she was learning so much about Dubby. Video games were what made his eyes light up, if maybe not improving his politeness. Violent and complicated ones, too. Not saying I'm jumping with joy, but how interesting. I mean that that was his interest and how much he enjoyed telling Miss Q. Miss Q plans to use this relational time for the future, for when she fully addresses his rudeness.

Fruitbat is interested in comics and owning her own bakery. I imagine she would love being involved with the drama department in my school. At recess we entertained each other by singing any commercial jingle we could come up with.

"At a goodnight sleepstore/ The Rest... It's Up To You!!"

On the way to recess, again, I slowed down to watch the smaller set play for a bit.
"Get off me Malfoy!"

This time they were playing Harry Potter. Hmm. Young as they were. Miss Q talked to Fruitbat about the games she used to play when she was little. She was glad to hear that Fruitbat also had these sort of games with her cousin.

Freakazoid, The Brit, Idaho, Fruitbat, Nala and Miss Q all chattered comfortably near the swings. The way Nala looks at and talks to Miss Q is like the others, but she's looking for more.

"What kind of music do you listen to?"
"Your earrings must be heavy."
"Do you like that t.v show?

It means something to her, to find someone like Miss Q who is like her but is also someone she wants to be like.

Nala's dad taught her to salsa. Miss Q loved that. Miss Q has been wanting to learn for a while now. I swear, these kids are so interesting.

But speaking of interests, there are many things I'd love to learn how to do. And all of them are things that can help me with teaching. I love to do hair. I'm fascinated with it. I love the Gospel and the theology of it. I'm fascinated with that. I love Spanish language and culture and music. If I learn how to salsa dance (it's expensive) then who's to say I can't start a club at the school where I teach and provide free lessons?

I went to a school pep rally today. Music and dancing can do a lot to bring unity to a school, a classroom, Miss Q and some awkward turtles on the swing set. Letting someone touch your hair is a bond. Nala is partial to a fishtail in her hair without being demanding of it. Spanish is becoming the country's second most common language. (Spanish and not French, sillies.)

Nowadays you can learn how to do just about anything using the internet. I'm also interested in computers. The Misses Q always talks about how teachers should use more technology in the classroom. So I'm planning on a computer programming class. I hope all of these things will help me become a better teacher.

In order to be successful, kids need to develop their interests. So I wonder, what is Memphis interested in besides fighting, Eminem, and bein 'raised by the streets?' Is there even anyone at home listening who cares?

Fatherlessness is an interest of mine.

It occured to me that there are always people around me who point out every opportunity available. Oh, you want to work in the medical field? Here's a volunteer program? Here's a program that lets you go to Guatemala for two weeks. Here's a program that helps you create video games for money. Here's this. Here's that. This is how I grew up. I'm especially greatful that I had this in middle school, because otherwise it's like a wasteland where there's nothing to do but gossip or be picked on because there's nothing to do.  Because of these people in my life, I've learned to go out and find things. But anyway, that's my new goal.

Become that person who knows where opportunities are. Because some children frankly don't have relationships the adults who know about these kinds of things. Think about it. It's usually the good kids who that adults naturally mention all the great programs, scholarships, and career paths to. And the ones that need structure the most end up with nothing to do and short shrift from the rest of society as a result. What were up against are children who don't have anyone at home listening to any of their interests. These kids are fending for themselves.

The Order of Things (Blog 17)

The Order of Things

There are some things that surprise Miss Q about elementary.

The turtles seem to have a self-awareness of themselves in the social pecking order of things. The same awareness that Miss Q now remembers she had herself in fourth grade.

There are several groups in the class.
The "boy band" The Atomic Ponies, with Zefron, Dubby, Co-Pilot, Boo, and Solomon.

Their sophisticated female counterparts the Chippettes: Mariska, Nancy Drew, and Princesstard.

The two bright best friends, somewhat considered sissies: Dexter and The Brit.

The Trio: Freakazoid, Mook, and The Gage.

The Girls (popular?): Uniqua/Miwok, Miss Beiber, Skinny Jeanz and ... Beancurd. Have to explain that one sometime.

And the rest are somewhat misfits. Fate gets along consistently with few classmates. Rickster is just the opposite. He's the tallest of the class, talks slowly, has a largish frame. He just wants to chill, man. Fruitbat sometimes hangs out with the Girls but sees herself as the weird, quirky chick. She can't stand Fate. Memphis often shows off in misbehavior in front of the girls. The boy band and the rest of the boys think he's pretty bad to the bone and all that, but find him unapproachable. Nala sometimes doesn't seem as accepted, but it doesn't appear to bother her.

This is what the class is like, I think to a 4th grader experiencing it. There's good pressure and bad pressure. The boy band to me has the most positive, drama free, and fun connections. However I worry about the Girls (along with Beancurd). They're nice to me, but not nearly as nice to everyone else. Uniqua is a prime example. I feel like because of her charm, grades, or all-star quality she gets away with a lot of harsh words. Especially towards Fate.

Of all the groups, Miss Q has yet to have one-on-one interaction with any of The Girls. They're always together, acting up as a unit. And the clique-ish quality makes a Cadet uneasy. Miss Q hopes that now that she realizes this, she can influence them to want to think for themselves and have a better influence on each other.

Miss Q has made sure to let Fate know she's allowed to switch to other table if she gets too angry. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This is normal, right?

I don't want my turtles to be normal.

The new goal (coming to me as I write) is to change the status quo amongst the turtles. We lack chemistry, it's been said. We don't mesh. Oddballs. What needs to be done now is to make sure that values that are really lasting are at the top of the pecking order, and things like the phantom elementary "popularity" are at the bottom.

The cool thing about elementary school, or specifically Awkward Admiral Elementary, is rather than just pushing them through test scores, the teachers really care about what the students are like. This just isn't the same in a high school. It goes along with the character education bit in the curriculum and is necessary and practical to run a classroom but values are sincere and genuine. In elementary school, one of the most important things is learning how to be in a classroom. That's what's so great about it.

For Fate sometimes being in a classroom means stess and rejection. For Memphis on some days it means showing out to get attention, to keep a tough devil-may-care attitude. TheBut there are countless moments when being part of a classroom means being part of a classroom.

The silence that falls when the teacher demands silence and means it. The cheer when the class earns Footballs in P.E. Reminding each other (gently or not) which of their assignments is missing. Answering questions earnestly. I hope I never take for granted being apart of that.

3/21/11: My Own Boy Band, The Atomic Ponies (Blog 10)

"Bye Atomic Ponies bandleader." Zefron whispers as Miss Q exits the computer room.

"I thought you were the leader."

"Oh right... well, you're the manager."

Zefron, all warm brown eyes, and outstanding sense of humor heads what Miss Q calls her "boy band."

On a very interesting day when Miss Q went with the awkward turtles to play soccer for P.E (remind her to tell you about it) Miss Q remembered afterward a comment the coach made about the classroom.

"I guess there's just a weird chemistry going on in this class. They don't seem to mix so well."

This was of course referring to the turtles P.E performance. There had been some spectacular moments. Miss Q got them excited, got them to chant about teamwork and how awesome they were gonna do in the class together.

...And then Uniqua (who now wants to be called Miwok) let loos her sassy mouth on Fate and Fate broke down into tears on the sidelines. As Miss Q gently encouraged her to get back in, the morale of the teams seemed to sink from their, dissolving into general irritation at one another's lack of performance.

"It's usually the girls." Noted Lady Finch.
"You guys are gonna be around each other for a long time. Ya'll should start learning to get along." Said Coach.
"You're kids are crazy." Said Stewbeef, although at that point, when they were excited, Miss Q thinks he meant in a good way.

But a weird chemistry? Did Miss Q's class just not blend well like oil and water. Maybe. Fate so far has yet to get along with anyone in the classroom on a consistent basis without having to take herself out of the situation. Her method that she's learned is to isolate herself when she's angry, which is good, but Miss Q still wants her to figure out new ways to handle her emotional issues.

The Gage, Freakazoid, and Mook hanging out together is usually trouble, althoug Miss Q has amazing incidents to report for bothe of them. Nala is another mystery. The other girls seem to shun her at times, maybe because of her looks. She's a very dark girl with lines crisscrossing her face that remind you of scars.

"Quit acting like you're popular." Fate often lashes at Nala, who is often one her only allies. The class seems to have come to a general consensus on Fate. We may not be allowed to show meanness to her but we sure don't have to try to be nice to her. If only they weren't practically the same treatment?

Uniqua and Miss Beiber have sassy mouths and are very sly. Even catty. And Rickster? Well, he just wants to eat his lunch and chill.

So with troublemaking groups, catty mouths, and flaring tempers, does our group just have any chemistry?

Only if you know where to look. Five boys: Zefron (the funny one), Boo (the quiet one), Solomon (the wild one), Dubby (The One who does all the tricks with his arms) and Co-Pilot (The red-headed jovial one).

They sit together at lunch, play together at the playground, cheer for each other during Sparkle. Each of the friendships between them are very different and complicated.

One day two weeks ago, The band minus Solomon came running up to Miss Q.

"Solomon's being really mean!"
"Yeah! He gets like this sometimes. He pulled me by my arm into the ground!"
"And he says that word F** a lot."

The meaning was clear, as Miss Q noticed Solomon walking sullenly by himself. The group together had decided that, even though he was mostly a good friend, his behavior as of late was unacceptable and therefore they had to reject him.

In the lunch line, Miss Q asked them what they would do. It was Zefron who responded.

"I think we'll give him another chance."

This is when Miss Q first noticed the powerful dynamic in this little group. There was camraderie, there was order, and their was leadership.

"Ya'll are gonna be my boy band." Miss Q explained to them one day. She had a private word with Zefron.

"Now, whether you realize it or not, what you do influences the group. You have leadership qualities, so guess who I'm looking at whenever you and Co-pilot goof off in line?"

"I don't care." Zefron looks thoughtful for a moment. His body language betrays his words. He seemed to be figuring out if he like the weight of the 'responsibility' on one hand and the chance for extra praise on the other.

From that moment on, the boys took it from there, dubbing themselves the Atomic Ponies. They like it. And Miss Q will continue to find ways to work their natural group chemistry to her advantage. And man is it fun. The collective trust you get from them is priceless.

Speaking of groups.

"Miss Q. Miss Q!" It's Princesstard. As usual she is with Mariska and Nancy Drew, a sophisticated girl trio that remind me uncannily of the Chippettes (you know the girl chipmunks that were always trippin' about Alvin and the boys and offset them so well?)

"Were making a movie! It's like a reality t.v show. In order to get The Atomic Ponies to be in it, they're making us find them hot girlfriends and paying them 50$!"

What? In the lunch line when Zefron was asking honestly, do you see any hot girls around here?, Miss Q pointed to Mariska. His not-so-secret-admirer. Bad Miss Q!

He could barely find a comeback for embarrassment. Zefron said he didn't really want a girlfriend anyway. Good.

I could never find enough space to blog about the things I've seen. Perhaps one day, I'll have a blog-a-thon.

2/19/11: Reflection Brings a Plan of Attack (Blog 5)

Reflection:

Thursday morning, Miss Q headed out of her driveway to the bustop. The salty beach strip was quiet but the sun lit the fog that surrounded her with an ethereal light. There was a soft humming everywhere that echoed in her own thoughtless singing. These were some of the first signs of spring. She was glad for it.

Miss Q hates the cold.

It wasn't just the sun. She felt like the humming also came from her brain. The observations and words, the laughter of children, and the ideas laid out on paper that reappeared everywhere were all starting to knit together in her mind.

The bus driver's eyes glazed over with disgust as the middle schoolers cussed their way on board. They were loud, bull-headed, and obscene or at least enough were to earn the daily look of contempt from the rest of the bus. Miss Q ignored their X-rated chatter, trying to remember the names of the newer faces.

I was never that obnoxious.

The thought sits in our heads and colors our complaints with hypocrisy.

 "I can't stand them. You just wanna punch 'em in the face."
"Why would you even wanna talk to them?"

Looking at them, Miss Q took one good guess as to why they acted.

Middle school is about drifting: the boredom, immaturity, selfishness, and the little crust of apathy that forms from inflated grades, hormones and no sense of Unity or Purpose. Miss Q considered herself lucky. Different programs, music, and teachers had acted as a grace for her and broke up the monotony.

And now she had the awkward turtles. She had the community. And with her eyes open, she might could say she had the whole world.

What did they have? Anything to laugh, celebrate, cry, or worry about? Was there any connection or any real acceptance and belonging? Did they even get it from freinds or family? Or are they just wrapped up in themselves like little vacuums of insecurity stuffing themselves with gossip, trends, drugs, and desperately trying to fit in?

That morning, instead of a vacuum that would be filled she felt like the giant pitcher of Sweet Tea sitting atop Granny's kitchen. It was carelessly offered, often spilling over. There was even enough for strangers.

Miss Q quietly disagreed with the people on her bus. They could easily change. There wasn't a manual for it, but the awkward turtles were helping her understand. As if it hadn't been part of the air Lady Finch breathed. As if it hadn't been apparent the whole time.

There's something in common among people in the military, strict and loving families, and those who take pride in their schools. The rules and punishments don't seem to them like burdens.There's an appreciation and some nostalgia about it. About the way things were, and things that were Kept. Complying wasn't a drag because they'd found a place with acceptance, traditions, and things that really needed to be done.

I think they call it positive peer pressure when you get the sense of "we like you, but there are some things we don't do here." There's a standard to follow. But it's the value behind the rules that eventually changes you. Uniforms and rules don't create unity in themselves, but acceptance and seeing a common truth does. Guess who wants it in her classroom?

Miss Q with her crazy self thinks she's now got what it takes to make it happen.

The bottom line is that the spirit of a group changes you. In a loving family, you do so in response to the acceptance already given to you. Whoah, whoah, whoah...
In response to the acceptance already given to you? Part of the belief I hold at the bottom of my heart?Bingo!
You see, as Miss Q was learning the ropes and testing the waters, sometimes her discipline relied on thier knowledge and fear of the consequences.

"I hope that's something you would do with Miz Boss around."
"Freakazoid, cut it out!"

Thankfully, she never did it that much. But Miss Q if you believe what you're reflecting on then you want the turtles to respond out of the currency of love and respect you create in the classroom rather than just fear of the consequences.

Oh.

Miz Boss' greatest strength is her steadfast conclusion that the turtles know exactly what they ought to be doing at all times. Her firm alto voice gives quick, decisive directions. This keeps the class structured, accountable, and really helped Miss Q because the standards were already set.

But Miss Q doesn't just want to remind some awkward turtles of the rules. The idea isn't to get them to not do things but to run toward things. And so, she has plans. The scenes are already playing out in her head. Oh, and did she tell you this?

She steals from you guys. Her family, too.

She hopes to steal Arbear's bluntness in confronting Fate, Big L's meekness, Lady Finch's... quality, Miss Tupper's passion, Miss Beautiful's drive, Queen Kindergarten (that's Cortney, ya'll) and her composure, Socrates with his rhetoric and integrity, and the women in her family with their dominance, warmth and patience. Yep, from now on, Miss Q would learn to steal everything good. Like Lions and Lambs n such.

The Skinny:

A while ago, Miss Q noticed the paper ice scream scoops stapled to the wall. Good behavior was sweet indeed. Nancy Drew's are piled up so that the stack leans over forward. Fate, Boo, Freakazoid and Nala have yet to get one. That was also the day Fruitbat asked Miss Q to feel the scar on her wrist. Before Miss Q let herself freak out, she asked,

"Had some surgery?"
"No. I was riding my bike and, well.. the tree did surgery for me."

But Friday, if I would've taken notes that day they would've said one thing. Things went well with the boys. The movie rotation had given Miss Q about twelve turtles this time. For lunch she sat down at the table with Mariska, Zefron, Boo, and Co-Pilot.  Mariska looked fancy that day, with her deep red hair curled in loose ringlets. But with her freckles, wide blue eyes, and dark red mouth she looks striking on any day. Of course Miss Q guessed that Mariska was more than content to be the only other girl at the table as long as she was in front of Zefron.

Zefron is hilarious. Until then, Miss Q had taken for granted his outgoing sense of humor. Soon, their relationship became a teasing and bantering one.

Sometimes the way to get to some students is through others. Miss Q never would have talked as much to Co-pilot without talking to Zefron, who was more than willing to talk. And of course, on the very end, cut off by Zefron, was Boo.

Miss Q has a more accurate view of Boo's personality now:

"I think Zefron might be the funny one." Miss Q remarked.
"No... it's me!" Mariska said with a squeal.
"Actually... I think Boo might be the funny one." Miss Q looked over for his reaction. He had a sly, secretive sort of smile on his face.
" Don't worry, he is. One time, Boo went up to this Chinese guy and..." Whatever he said, Miss Q didn't remember, only she knew it had been funny and completely unexpected for someone like Boo. She laughed.

"Read between the lines." Zefron held up three fingers. His smile was too big for his face.
Now, it took a minute before Miss Q realized the implications.
"Hey! Zefron! C'mere."
Miss Q had him change the fingers to something much less offensive. There, now it was fixed.
"Don't look at me, Boo taught me it!"

That was getting less and less hard to believe. Boo grinned. Now that she thought about it, Boo was pretty well regarded among the boys for someone so quiet. And he wasn't anything like boring if he was friends with Zefron. The pieces were starting to form together.

"I think Boo secretly mind controls you guys so that while he makes ya'll act all crazy, he just has fun and never gets in trouble."

It made perfect sense. He was the mastermind, the ringleader. Who knew what activity went on in that brain of his?

Other lunch topics included The Land Before Time Series, The Brit and Dexter and how one could picture them studying anthills with a magnifying glass("No. Dexter is like that, but not The Brit."), and Dubby's weird thing he does with his hands.

"Dubby's pretty funny. He always goes like this-- Aw dang, I don't know how he does it."
"Oh my gosh, he does do that!" said Miss Q, laughing. It was like he twisted his arms around each other and flung his hands at the same time. Only Dubby can do it right.

At the bathroom, Zefron pretends to wipe his hands off on Miss Q's coat.
"What if that coat hadn't been there?" he wondered.
"Then I'd have to kill you."
"You're mean, Miss Q."
Co-pilot told Miss Q about how his brother likes to come out the bathroom with his hands wet and attack him saying, "Don't you hate when you pee on your hands?" Haha. That's so messed up.

Everyone's mean for a reason.
Miss Q says this as she, Zefron and Co-pilot sharpen the pencils.
"Except for Zefron, he's just all full of meanness."
They'd been talking about some of the mean girls at the school. So it starts.
Miss Q makes sure they don't talk, trying not to laugh as they look at each other and look back at her.

When they sit down ("I think you're done sharpening pencils now") Co-pilot contines to look at Zefron across the table.
"Don't do it Co-pilot." Miss Q whispers with a smile. He grins sheepishly and turns back around. Miss Q loves it when they do that. When keeping them in check is fun and painless because you've already won their trust.

"Reading sucks," says Co-Pilot.
"Stinks." corrects Miss Q, without thinking. Simply because Lady Finch had commented on it one time.
Monday, she plans to tell them the only things that suck are vampires.

Miss Q was pretty sure she had that same trust with Freakazoid. During the library scavenger hunt, Miss Q partnered with Nala. Freakazoid had found Mook (recipe for trouble) but then said,

"I wish you were my partner--- not that Mook's not cool." he added for Mook's sake.

The last time she remembered, he had tried to tease her as if he wanted her to leave earlier that week in Reading Buddies.
Well dern.
She'd always thought his love language was insults.

The Heavy:

Oh my gosh. Beancurd!

Miss Q doesn't plan on revealing the codename meanings (more fun that way) so easily but oh. Beancurd.

At first Miss Q didn't quite realize why she decided he was Beancurd but then she knew. He was so little. At lunch he often only takes one little bite before pushing his tray aside.

"He never eats anything." said Miss Beiber when she saw Miss Q looking. "That's why he's so small." Miss Q had no idea Miss Bieber was a mind reader.
 So yeah, he's a Beancurd.

Alright boys and girls stay with me. Are you ready?

The boys and girls in the class tend to gravitate toward each other. This is life. Not Beancurd.
Miss Q thinks, because of his smallness, he doesn't identify with the other boys. At lunch, he almost always sits with the girls. Specifically, with Miss Bieber. Miss Beiber explained to me one day that she and Beancurd were sort of bff's. Beancurd clings to her.

Miss Q remembers not being able to figure out how, if those two could have such a nasty fight, why do they always sit together? Loud, anxious, and whiny Beancurd with quiet, sassy, and sly Miss Bieber. At first, Miss Q thought she viewed him like a little brother. But now it seems different. She's not just a friend. She's looking after him because she sees him almost like a little baby to take care of. As if compensating for how small he is. THAT must've been why he got so upset that day, when Miss Bieber was mad at him. When Miss Q tried to talk to him and distract him, he seemed obsessed with what Miss Bieber could be saying about him behind his back.

That day he'd been so defensive. And that's what he does. Lately he's been in a lot of trouble. He has this loud, tinny voice and likes to shout out randomly or chatter constantly. This Friday, he got in an argument over the seat at the lunch table with Uniqua. Skinny Jeanz had sat there first. Miss Q saw it.

"I didn't want him in this class." huffed Uniqua. She was thinking of their past beef where she got in trouble and called him a snitch. Miss Q didn't think much of it. They'd be on good terms the next day. Besides Miss Beiber had told her Beancurd, Skinny Jeans, Uniqua, and her had been tight for a long time.

But why was Beancurd so pushy, so defensive, loud, and whiny? Always 'look at me I'm being treated unfairly'? Miss Q thinks (and boy did she do some thinking) he wants to be heard. To make sure he's not being pushed around or ignored, small or not. Miss Q has words for him.

Thats it.
No longer are we shooting basketballs blindfolded over our shoulders. Each of the turtles has a specific weakness.

Co-pilot has one weakness Miss Q can think of which is his dependency in following behind Zefron and his friends. Otherwise he's a model student. Easy. Win Zefron and you've won Co-pilot.

Miss Q has been pushing Nala away and she needs to stop. Nala is different from Fate. She seeks attention in a different way than Fate. Neither of her parents live at home. Nala sees a role model in Miss Q.
"Look Miss Q, we match."

Nala's skin is dark like hers. That day, her skirt matched Miss Q's dress.
Friday, she let herself be partnered with Nala in the Library Scavenger hunt. Remember Miss Q, Nala actually needs attention. It's different.

As for Fate, Miss Q has words prepared for her too. Honesty and frankness will come in handy the next time she's in one of her moods. Only she ought to specifically wait for the right moment so the words hit home.

It's crazy how these things occur to you when you least expect it. This weekend, Miss Q was up at way too early in the morning scribbling this down. And now she's got words.

She has words for when the class acts crazy in line, words for individual awkward turtles, and words for situations that some up. But what's most exciting is that she now knows her expectations could be higher, that she could get them to move towards something. And there are plans. When specific targets are revealed to you, you can make plans.

This writing has actually helped me because now I know that there are specific weaknesses and the only limit to how I target them is my own imagination. Just like you don't get better game by throwing basketballs over your shoulder or repair a house my throwing bricks at it, you can't be dynamic with kids unless you can figure out what they really need. Miss Q thinks she's on to some things:

I hope Beancurd is as whiny, disagreeable, and as obnoxious as possible.

I want Fate to get in one of her moods. Bring it on. Bring the drama.

I want everyone to line up like zoo animals. Can't wait.

Monday, I want to have a blog post called Ready. Aim. Shoot. Target. Warning: there might be dancing involved.

2/16/11: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: It All Hangs Out (Blog 4)

Miss Q's about to give you an honest breakdown of what went on today. The sitch. The skinny. Things that were good and some things that make me wonder if I was thinking at all? It's weird to write it. You usually don't think. You react.

Yesterday afternoon I had one of those fits of inspiration. They come in short creative bursts and I entertain some really awful ideas For instance, ever fought out an argument in your head? The scene goes off flawlessly as you script your artful version of Telling Someone Off. You're furious and angry but somehow your reasoning is flawless. Finally you hear a chorus of amens as your opponent goes to eat their humble pie.

Yeah, not that kind of idea this time. It never goes down like that in real life anyway.

This time I was thinking about how the turtles act at lunch. Some, like Princesstard, Nancy Drew and Mariska, talk quietly amongst themselves. Or you know, semi-quiet. However, once they finish eating they start to argue, get loud, mess with their food, roughhouse and flick cake at each other. Just like high school.

Obviously part of it is that they're bored out of their minds sitting there. Do they not find each other interesting enough?

So naturally, the answer is to hit them with Honors Civics and Spanish 2 material.

I really enjoyed picturing their brains fry trying to name the three branches of government and any ridiculously hard questions I could come up with. Hee hee hee.
"Come on guys, you need to know this stuff." Why, you ask?

• It would keep them occupied.  Grandma used to say the idle mind is the devil's workshop.

• They'd like the challenge. They're just crazy enough to go for it. Fourth graders are fearless. They can do anything.

• I'd feel like I'd actually be teaching them something instead of distracting them. Maybe broaden their minds so that they reach for knowing things about the government and conjugating verbs in Spanish.

• I'd make sure that when they got to High School, they'd be ready.

• When my Civics teacher sees that some of her students are beasting at Civics concepts already, they'll say," Oh. That's 'cause Miss Q taught me." Then she'll go, "Oh. Well, of course Miss Q. I mean naturally."

In my world, it'd turn out exactly like that. But even besides those reasons, I think it was because I was getting too comfortable.
Now, I can see from the point of view of some of the older cadets. I'm not as professional yet, but once you get used to a classroom and get familiar, you see just how much more opportunity is there. I can see how they get their drive but still feel the need to be tough on themselves. With so many different things, I start to feel like I'm not even doing 10 % of what I could be doing. Like I'm shooting basketballs turned around backwards with my eyes closed.
It doesn't dishearten me, but with the idea in mind, I felt that much more excited about trying it the next day.

Because in Civics, we were watching a movie, I decided my crazy challenge would come from Spanish 2.

Todos los dias, Zefron le gusta dar Mariska un abrazo enorme.

Now kids, translate that. Yes, I'm crazy.

However, the thing I like about Spanish is that it can be so intuitive. Suppose you've never even taken Spanish. What does the word enorme look like?  Or un. what number in English looks like un? Dias? What could I possibly be talking about?

The Spanish word for arms is brazos. What could an abrazo be?

When I arrive, SkinnyJeanz is the first to call me and come running for a hug. From far off I might have heard Nala shout out Miss Q but I wasn't sure.

About three conversations were going at once. Nala was all abuzz about how our outfits matched (me with my black dress and patterned tights and her with her lacy ruffled black skirt), Idaho was going on about... something (forgive me! I no one else is guilty of failing to cherish all the precious words that come out of their mouths but sometimes I am.) And none of it came out clear because I was looking at Fate and CP.

Fate had become Lucy the trick-doing cat of many languages with CP as her owner. I was real glad Fate could consistently get along with someone.

"Lucy!" CP was pretty darn commanding. "Now, speak frrrench." she said, rolling her r's masterfully.
"Banuladeiuuuu!"
Huh?

Now would be a good time to say: And speaking of languages, lets hop to lunch time, but there's some foreshadowing to do.

Talking to Mariska and Copilot, two of the three redheads in the class, I learned a not-so-surprising fact.

"Mariska likes Zefron!" he announced, all charm with his big smile and military haircut.
"Really? How shocking!" I said, insinuating the opposite.

I mean, what was not to like about Zefron? He's intelligent, outgoing, has warm brown eyes, and a good sense of humor. And hadn't her two bff's, Princesstard and Nancy Drew arranged the whole "forcing"-him-to-say-he-liked-her thing?

"You must be a pretty trusted friend for such a secret right?"

"No." Mariska shrugged. "He'll tell him."
"Yep. He's my friend."
It was part of the guy code.

"He does know already."
"I know. You liked him in second grade too!"

Have you figured out what my Spanish phrase translates to yet? Talk about a coincidence.

CP wasn't the only one about to teach languages.

The Good:

Because some of the awkward turtles were watching Tuck Everlasting, I was in charge of twelve. Sitting with Fruitbat, Nala, Idaho, and Fate, I sprang into action as soon as I saw that first ranch dressing get passed on across the table.

"Alright guys. I am tired of watching you guys pick your noses and throw cake at each other." Don't say stuff like this if you know you have no sense of humor.

Giggles.

"You're mean, Miss Q." remarked Idaho.

"That's right. Whoever can help each other figure out this Spanish phrase gets a sheet of paper from my notebook." I said with lots of brovado.

Somehow they ate this up. Idaho had gotten one earlier for being the first to locate Mrs. Bridington for me (hey she felt like she should get a prize, that's what I came up with). They still would have done it without a prize.

When I read the phrase, I immediately had their attention. I knew I had to give them a lot of clues, but they were quick to catch on. What suprised me was that Nala, usually softspoken and distracted, seemed to catch on the quickest.

"What does the word dias sound like?"

"Dolls?"

"Daffodils?"

"Days." said Nala.

Amidst all the guesses, it was Nala who got that enorme meant huge before I gave a hint about it. She figure the sentence was something like Every day, Zefron likes to something a huge smile.

This fascinates me because I know in order to make the connection, you can relate the word to enormous, which is not something everyone does when learning languages. Like me, with chemistry, some people have to repeat concepts again and again to understand. Nala made the connection before I gave the translation:

Every day, Zefron likes to give Mariska a big hug.

They really caught on with it being Zefron and Mariska. They're a perceptive bunch. Honestly, when I came up with it, it was more to poke fun at Zefron than having to do with Mariska's crush.

Gave Boo a compliment. He smiled. Quiet doesn't seem like a way of hiding for him. It's just his way of experiencing things.

When Nala passed out her late Valentines, Dubby took his lollipop and in his hands, it became an eye wrench. Remember when I said Dubby could stick his toungue out and touch the back of his head? He just seems to have a different way of looking at things.

The Bad:

I hate the smell of  hard boiled eggs. I told them so and they made sure to give me a whiff.

Are The Gage, Freakazoid and Mook not supposed to sit together or what? Why does no one know for sure?

When I took my twelve turtles to the water fountain, Idaho and Nala preferred to lean on the wall by me instead of getting in line.

"Why aren't you listening to me? You tell other people to listen?" I asked Idaho, gently.

They seemed to look at me like 'oh Miss Q, you know you like me too much to really mean for me to get my tail back in line', but they got it eventually. At that point you stop smiling, ignore their conversation, and stick to your guns.

The Gage is interesting. He talks to me just fine but he likes to show that he can do his own thing. During cursive, I watched him flip through the finished papers stacked in the middle.

"I want mine on top!" he said, despite there being no talking. As we walked into art, he and Nala hopped into chairs next to me when everyone else sat on the carpet.

"This is my seat."

And Nala just had to sit in a seat because she was wearing a skirt. The art teacher didn't go for that. When they still didn't move, I volunteered, "I'll sit on the carpet." I like sitting with them. Ladylike, with legs tucked under. Immediately, Nala hops off the seat to sit beside me, imitating my position.

The Gage looked doubtful.

"Wanna sit here? We'll miss you."

I'd hoped that by sitting down, I demonstrated that sitting in the big chair didn't make you All That. Now he was sitting by himself. His eyes seemed to say he was about to come sit but when he got up he got called on to help with art supplies.

He also talked at random, blurting out and earning the class silent lunch. The looks Solomon, Dubby, and Co-pilot flung back at him were so perfectly 'way-to-go', too.

I don't know why The Gage seems to needs do things The Gage Way like that. I usually think if you feel like you need your paper to be on top, it's really because you think yours is on the bottom. Hmm.

Why is The Brit sitting at the front of the class? He and Dexter are usually models of good behavior.

The Ugly:

That day, Miss Q was waiting for Los Compadres to be on their merry way to Anderson so she could play a trick on them. She ended up failing miserably.

Seeing Ms. Odd in her office, I made a secretive shush sign, as I waited for their approach. When I heard footsteps I jumped out from the side but instead of a scared Ar-bear and Stew, there was only a confused Hispanic girl. Mr. German, who just happened to walk by, had a nice laugh on his way around the corner.

What the heck, Miss Q?

The teaching companions were, of course, several paces behind the girl. Too smug, as if to say they were used to and could always easily avoid Miss Q's crazyness. Ay ay ay.

Fate was in one of her moods today. She might have managed to offend everyone.

Miss Q made a blunder and asked Fruitbat how many she had invited to her upcoming sleepover that Saturday, failing to notice how she purposely sat a seat apart from Fate. On my left was Idaho, whom I knew had been invited.

"I'm not allowed to talk about it." said Fruitbat.

"Why?" (Ugh. Shut up!)

She thumbed in Fate's direction. That got her started.

"See? Everyone hates me."

Earlier she told me that my lil buddy from Miss Beautiful and Big L's class had started liking her, but now hated her again. Oh boy.

"Mook even admitted he hates me." Mook looked apologetic.

"We can't help our feelings."

At the same time Nala, tired of Fate's dramatics, started nosing into my notebook, her dark eyes no doubt resting on the scribble reading: she hates me again.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing."

Evasive action.

Fate while snappish, is very protective of me. I watched her glare at Nala as she tried to peek into my notebook.

"Excuse me? Why are you being so nosy?" her voice took on a nasty tone I didn't like. I didn't think this at the time but where could she have learned that tone from? It didn't seem very childlike.

Nala, usually shrugging affably at Fate's abuse, got angry this time.

"You were were nosy in So-and-so's class!" and back and forth. But Fate was so abrasive with it, I told her to come talk to me.

"How come every time you get angry you feel like you can be nasty to people like its nothing?" I asked.

"Well, I don't know." she said, referring to her anger issues."I was just trying to help."

After explaining that I could handle it and wanted her to worry about being nice, I asked if she could give Nala an apology and she agreed. Just like that.

"I'm sorry!" her look accused Nala from across the table. But she did want to say sorry.

"Do you accept her apology?"

And boys and girls do you know Nala kept staring at me and eating her cheesy broccoli?

"I'm gonna keep on bein' mean since you didn't accept my 'pology!" Fate decided.

"You got a lot more stuff to apologize for!"

This was Nala's explanation to me for not accepting. "I tried to be nice to her but..."

I said a lot of things, but it felt like I was saying nothing. One of you has to be nice first. The point of an apology is is for the other person, not you. Blah blah.

Fate wants to be the bigger person. She likes to say "I'm going to do the smart thing and end it." But the way she says it usually starts everything back up again.

When fate brings drama, there will be drama. As I write this, my mom and I talk, going back to the days when I too had best friends that would be mad at me and make up with me the next day. I was dramatic and had no perspective too. So I can't help but have a little grace when looking at Fate.

What can I teach her though? That she's overdramatic, selfish, and insecure? How is she different from anyone else in that case? She's also nine. In elementary I remember being melodramatic but I never felt so persecuted and defensice towards all my classmates like she is. How did I learn to deal with things differently? Time? Experience? Constant teaching? Grace.

But she listens to me. I see her eyes when she's unsure what to do and something nasty she was about to say gets held back in her mouth. Just like when I saw Freakazoid's eyes looking back at me in Art, watching me to see if I notice how quiet he's being. I made sure to mention some of that when I talked to her.

Freakazoid is a different matter.

"Freakazoid wants to go on a date with you!"

"No I don't!"

Whether he did or not, I just love him. I mess with him sometimes and while he used to act out towards me, he now acts sweet. Almost like the tables have switched.

There you have it.